Heyo!
Last week I wrote about Chicago dogs for The Takeout. Specifically, Portillo’s vs. Wienerschnitzel. Now, I’m not really a big fan of Chicago-style hot dogs. There’s just too much accoutrement and it’s all so aggressively vegetable forward. Mustard? Great. But why relish and a pickle? Plus tomato and sport peppers??? Feels like I’m eating a hot dog salad, which would probably be better than a Chicago dog and also looks to actually be a thing??? The fuck? Oh no, I’m going to make a hot dog salad next week, aren’t I?
Maybe it’s all this living in Los Angeles that’s catching up with me, but I much prefer a good bacon wrapped hot dog, chili dog, Venezuelan hot dog, or even a Chilean completo to a Chicago-style hot dog.
So while I’m not a big fan of Chicago dogs, Portillo’s actually does a pretty decent one. Wienerschnitzel, however, doesn’t even use a poppyseed bun, which is a huge oversight. I haven’t had a ton of Chicago dogs, but a poppyseed bun seems paramount to calling it a proper Chicago dog. Also, at Wienerschnitzel, the toppings slip and flop around like some sort of cartoon. It sucks.
Anyway, in doing my hot dog taste tests I realized that every fast food/fast casual restaurant in America wants to expand now. There’s a Portillo’s in Buena Park, and Wienerschnitzel is going to be seen more in the Midwest going forward, too. This all kind of frightens me. Regionality is becoming a thing of the past. As much as I love Whataburger, I don’t really want to see one in Pennsylvania, you feel me?
Everything is becoming available everywhere; food options are more corporate and homogenized by the day. And this rapid expansion has me concerned for mom and pop restaurants. All the more reason to go out and support local eateries.
Alright! On to the best things I ate this week. But first! Subscribe will ya? Pay if you want. Thursdays are paid posts.
The Best Things I Ate in Los Angeles Last Week
Steak + Onion Rings at The Grill on The Alley
Ooooh wee! I love to be a hypocrite! Yes, I have been on record saying in the past that ordering steak is overrated. However, there’s something about old school, fancy-for-no-reason steakhouse vibes that beckon me to indulge in a medium rare filet mignon. This tall, lean cut of meat pairs perfectly with a side chalice of creamy béarnaise sauce (it’s only $5 to add béarnaise, and yes it comes in a chalice.)
Every year my pal Nick and I go to The Grill for a power lunch where we talk about nothing important except for the fact that Nick’s ankles are always showing. This is three years in a row now that we’ve went to the same restaurant. Why The Grill? If I may be so bold, I think we both like pretending. Watch the video below to get a sense of what I mean:
I have found that the best restaurants, in addition to great food and service, offer some form of escapism. That’s why the move is sometimes a steakhouse lunch in Beverly Hills, even if you’re not really in the industry anymore. Nobody can stop you from eavesdropping on showbiz conversations. Go ahead and butt in from the table over and say, “Hey I’ve got a good idea for a T.V. show, do you want to hear it??? OK, so it’s a reboot of Yes, Dear.”
Get the the onion rings which are holy-shit good. Thick, crunchy, wonderful onion rings ($14) come served with creamy and tangy blue cheese sauce. I’m actually very surprised by the fact that they serve onion rings with blue cheese. Seems odd, but damnit it works and it fits the steakhouse aesthetic. Fuck it, I’m convinced the bread should come with blue cheese, too. We also got wedge salads (19.25), which were standard, but delightful.
Also! The key-lime pie is pretty damn good. Our tradition is to tak it to go. I can’t speak for Nick, but as soon as I get home I eat the pie and then retire for a naked nap. That’s a damn good day, people.
The Grill on The Alley
9560 Dayton Way
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
The Beef & Everything Boat Noodles at Saap Coffee Shop
Every restaurant seemingly has their own spice gauge. Surawon Tofu House, for instance, isn’t very spicy at all. Then there’s Saap, whose medium spicy boat noodle soup is actually alright-now-this-is-pretty-fuckin-spicy.
The boat noodles are tangy, spicy, and spectacular. The beef & everything noodles cost $14, and come with beef short rib, sliced beef, beef meatballs, tendon, tripe, liver, bean sprouts, crispy pork rinds. Honestly, the better deal is the straight up beef boat noodles for $12. I like offal as much as the next deviant freak, but something about it is losing me these days. Maybe part of getting older is you stop pretending to like things.
I also highly recommend the sautéed Chinese broccoli with salted fish ($14) as an appetizer. It’s garlicky, salty, and full of meaty flavor. Really delicious.
Saap Coffee Shop
5183 Hollywood Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90027
Fish + Chips, Clam Chowder at Malibu Seafood
Sometimes, it’s the thing you do before you eat that makes all the difference. For instance, about a month ago I helped my friend Lo move before we hit Surawon Tofu House. Something about eating dolsot bibimbap after lifting a bunch of heavy boxes made that experience hit all the more. Really, any physical exercise is great before a heavy meal, which is nice because L.A. has plenty of hikes.
There’s always healthy debate as to what’s a hike and what’s actually a walk. This is a question that I love. What makes it a hike, exactly? Is it the steep upward climb? A trail? Boots? Fighting a bear??? Actually, I did see a bear once in Altadena and it scared the shit out of me. Millard Canyon Falls. You know what people don’t say about bears? They’re really fucking shiny. Must be all that omega-3. Anyway, go to Millard Canyon if you want to fight a big ass black bear and let it decide your fate.
I think I found my new favorite hike in L.A. It’s called Escondido Falls, and it’s right off the PCH. The hike starts residential, then winds down into a shaded area full of trees and creeks. Great place to bust out those waterproof boots. And the best part? About six miles down the road from the trailhead is Malibu Seafood. It is, without hyperbole, some of the best fish and chips you’ll ever have.
Man do I love the fries at Malibu Seafood, which are thick cut and steak-style. They are fried perfectly—crispy, dark golden brown on the inside, and oh-so-creamy on the inside. Douse them with malt vinegar and ketchup, or ask for extra tartar and use that as fry sauce.
The fish is fresh, flaky, and not a total grease bomb either. I believe they use cod. It’s so buttery that it feels like halibut, though. Man, their fry process is exceptional. The breading is light, craggy, packs a loud crunch, and doesn’t get in the way of the top notch fresh fish. Probably the best thing I’ve eaten in weeks. A one piece fish with fries costs $10.95. Hell of a deal if you ask me.
How’s the clam chowder? Buttery. Like, it’s glaring that they emulsify some clarified butter or something into their soup. It’s super rich, and an 8 oz. cup costs $6.95. Oh, and it’s rad that the potatoes are cut super tiny. Everything in this chowder is relatively the same size. That’s some real fine dining shit right there. Man, how have I been sleeping on Malibu Seafood this long? One of the best L.A. has to offer.
Also they have an A+ business slogan: “The reason we don’t serve breakfast is because we’re out catching lunch.” They are open at 11AM though, so, get some clam chowder for breakfast.
Malibu Seafood
25653 CA-1
Malibu, CA 90265
The Stuffed Grape Leaves at Mazal
I love it when a restaurant also functions as a dive bar if you get there early enough. At 5pm on Saturday, I strolled into Mazal all by my lonesome, right as they opened, and plopped my ass down on a stool at the end of the bar. There, I quietly enjoyed a glass of wine, some babaganoush, and some stuffed grape leaves. Customers didn’t arrive until about 5:30 or so. Peace and quiet and wine and appetizers. These are the type of restaurant experiences I live for.
I don’t tend to lose my shit over wine, but mannnn this glass of pinot noir I had at Mazal tickled me and made me school boy giddy. The 2021 Dragonfield Blend is a concoction of pinto noir and merlot, and it tastes wonderfully odd. I say odd because it’s very funky. To me, it tastes a lot like olives. That might sound peculiar, but it works. Order it. It’s only been on Mazal’s menu for a few days, so it’s brand spanking new. I don’t recall ever being struck by wine as much as this Dragonfield blend. Give me the funk all day.
Stuffed grape leaves are one of those things everybody puts their own twist on, and at Mazal you’ll notice some distinct sweetness. That’s because they put a little bit of maple syrup in the rice. The syrup balances out the brightness of the lemon juice, which they generously squeeze on each plate. The grape leaves themselves are formidable but loosely rolled (not those nervous, tightly wound turds you see at the grocery store) and they sprinkle a little of freshly chopped & dried parsley on each order, too. The green on green might seem like a hat on a hat, but hey guess what pal? Two hats are tight. Some of my favorite grape leaves of all time are at Mazal. These will absolutely ruin supermarket dolmas for you.
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